Back to my roots

I guess it happens to everyone at some point, right?  You wake up one day, look around, and say to yourself, “OK… how the hell did I end up here?!?”

I’m in my thirties.  Recently I came to the realization that everything that made me “me” had some how disappeared.  Vanished.  Not completely gone, but somewhere hidden in the shadows maybe.

I used to be a musician, and a pretty good one.  So much so that I paid my way through college by playing and made a pretty decent living out of it.

I used to be an artist – mediocre at best – but hey, at least I expressed myself.

I used to be a pretty social person.  I was out of the house 5 or 6 nights out of every week.

I used to be self educating.  If I came across something I wanted to learn or know more about, I learned it.  By myself.

These days – none of the above.  I’m not sure how or when it happened, really.  Only that it in fact did happen.  And I don’t like it.  It’s not that any of those talents has disappeared.  I’m pretty sure that if I sat down in front of a piano or picked up a pair of drumsticks I’d be able to make my way through it.  Or if I picked up a pen and a sketchpad I’d be able to come up with something at least recognizable.

So the problem is me.  More specifically, my mental and social attitude towards things.  I’ve gotten complacent.  And for someone that has always relied on intelligence and has always considered himself a creative person, that sucks.  And it’s totally unacceptable.

So today I make the public announcement (well kind of public, I guess) that I’m done with complacency.

I *will* reteach myself to make the effort – any effort.

I *will* begin learning something new – just because I can.

I *will* take the time to be a better person.

And most importantly – I *will* remind myself of who it was I wanted to be, and find a way to be that person again.


About thecrankynerd
I'm a former musician, current data manager, and forever nerd. I'm not an expert in anything. I just enjoy the discussion. So this is nothing more than general pontification from a perma-nerd about the sciences, the arts, sci-fi, and anything else that catches my interest on a particular day.

2 Responses to Back to my roots

  1. iamchanelle says:

    glad to hear it mate.

    may i recommend an amazing book about unblocking yourself creatively – The Artist’s Way. i recently went thru the entire book a chapter at a time with a book club and it *literally* changed everything for me. really helped open my eyes to my bad habits, the ways i would distract myself from creating [whether music, art, photography] and inspired and pushed me to find and embrace my art.
    might help in your new journey forward.
    best of luck!

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